.........

I don't believe you've changed..
It's like something terrible is happening in your personal life & you're making us victims.
You've developed such a bad attitude, it's not funny anymore.
Sometimes i even wonder whose side you're on.
Where is the sweet person everyone knows?
Now i've got to always wonder what you're up to, and if everything you say has an ulterior motive.
you're simply not genuine anymore.... & i hate it!

I seriously wish you the best in life. i pray you find God along the way.
There's only 2 ppl who can help you.
You & God.
But you must want to change....
& sadly, you must want to find God...
When you finally decide to turn to God, you'll realize, he's been facing you all along.

It's also my prayer that i constantly make deliberate efforts to face him too...

This is a dead blog... and so are some of you....

yes...
just like you, i've been checking to see if there's any updates on this blog. Apparently it doesn't get updated automatically, the only thing that seems to get updated is the advert from nuffnang. If you love to help the poor make some money, go ahead, click on the banner. I'm charity :D
so yeah, you and I are staring at the same updated space for the past.... 3 months?? Goodness!
Oh my God... this blog is so dead!
Actually it's so dead it reminds me of most of you people..
DEAD.

dead but not buried.
i know this guy who works as a building manager. He manages that building right opposite Lisa de Inn. Lightstyle use to be there. His job was to sit there at the car park ALL day. Then he goes for lunch, and God knows where else he goes too, but that's about it. He's employed to be there, and go up and down the building and make sure everything is ok, and he gets to go home and about 7:45 everyday. I swear to you, his job title is a building manager. And for the last half a year, the building has been empty! Next year, it'll be rented by BAT. that should breathe more life (tobacco) into him.
Picture this... You're given an amazing title ("Manager") and you tell ppl from the villages that you work as a "Manager" and they start drooling and idolizing you... until they found out how much you earn, and you freaking job scope... Sick.
Everyday he faces parked cars. they move in once at breakfast, maybe at lunch, and once more in the evening. Then Mr. Manager locks up and goes back to his wife and kids and says, i had a great day at the job, woohoo! I'm the building manager.

Exciting right???

Go ahead.. laugh.. then sympathize...
now think about you.
think about your job.
:D

Mr Manager has been dead for 7 years now....
He's managed that building for 7 years.
That's 2555 days...

For 7 years, he's been sitting at the table at the car park and staring at cars coming in and seeing them go out later.
And in 7 years, i bet he can walk up and down the corridors of the building blindfolded.
And after 7 years i bet he knows every spiritual force in that building too.
that dude is dead! he's a living dead just waiting to be buried... (just like this blog)
And if you think a little further (if you think at all)
Alot of people out there are dead as well.
People see you see, (they read you most of the times)
but you don't get updated (just like this blog)
and you're advertising for someone else (just like this blog)
and someone else takes the credit and gets paid for the work that has been done! (just like nuffnang & this blog)
Alot of people are dead, but they don't realize it, and employers realized it'll be sometime before they send in the coffin and bury you, so while you're here, (dead and not buried) they'll pay you something, (what they pay you is peanuts) give you a Manager title, and get you to make money for them.

What a concept.
but alot of dead people don't really have much of their brains left to see that...

a week ago i bumped into Mr Building Manager.
I was shocked.
It felt as though, a ghost left him, or rather should i say, he found life again.
His salary didn't change.
His job didn't change.
The building sure didn't change.
What changed?
Mangosteen juice.
(huh)

He injected mangosteen juice into his life.
He told me about it. I saw the zest in in spirits.
His speech change.
I saw enthusiasm.
I saw alot of spirit in him.
I saw hope...
I saw LIFE!

Ah... Mr Building Manager refuses to be buried :D
He found hope...

Hope keeps anyone from dying.
Alot of people are so dead.. They're just hopeless...
Maybe it's about some time they found some....
Seems way way better than walking around dead.
might as well walk all the way to Nirwana..
apparently, that's the biggest underground movement in KL...

It's not about the juice...
There are better things to do with your life, than to live it "dead"...

The nite before CNY

You all watched tarzan before right?
You know what his trademark "distinctive call" is right?
You heard it before right?
So one day tarzan has a need to call for a jungle meeting.
He steps out of his tree house's balcony and roars his "distinctive call" so that all the animals would gather round the jungle community hall...
Every other animal hears the call and everyone make their way to the hall...
everyone except the bear of course...
the bear is in hibernation in its cave....
Now tarzan (being a choleric) decides to swing his way over the the caves to wake bear up because bear is required for this meeting....
Halfway thru his ape like swinging from tree to tree, vine to vine, in the jungle, tarzan sees a car park next to a tree.
This car, unlike any other, promises to get tarzan anywhere in the jungle and even to the cave, without damaging the natural beauty of the jungle. it will not spoil or create tyre marks on the soft virgin soils....
and really, only 1 car can do that...
Would you be able to guess what car I'm referring to?
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i couldn't either
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i don't even belief i was sitting there when this story was going on
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it was the Mazda.....
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Mazda 323.
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If you still don't get it, it's the Mazda Tree to Tree.....
get it now?

And you guys went on & on & on & on & on.....
I mean, come on....
It's funny & lame at the same time... but... I jus don't believe ppl can go week in week out with stories like this... and some fo you i know, are in pursuit for more!
Gosh...
Take this for example... (it's in BM mind you)

Q: Ikan mana paling rock?
A: Ikan Goreng!!! (followed by the expression of someone playing an electric guitar)

Or even...

Q: ke apa yang ade rusi?
A: kerusi.

WTF?!

This one's pretty racist...

An Indian & A Malay goes parachuting...

the malay jumps first and successfully pulls open his chute..
the indian doesn't have that great a luck as his chute fails to open...

the indian is now plunging fast, head first to his death below, while overtaking the malay in the process... the poor macha..
the malay sees the indian plunging really fast, reacts by cutting his own chute and shouting at the indian...
"Oi Pundek!!! Dekat sini pun mau race ah?" and plunges to win the race....


While you guys carry on finding more jokes to entertain the gap in between your ears, i'm celebrating Chinese New Year in Ipoh. Apparently, KL & PJ now belongs to the Malays & Indians, and yes you can race all you want too... the roads are pretty safe for you idiotic rempits to perform your bloody stunts and impress your brainless minahs...
I wish upon you rempits that you stumble upon a group of macha's high on stout....
At least macha's high on stout are safer ppl to have around. than a thousand brainless rempits.

I was once told, people who don't consume pork have less brain cells.
Seemingly, I have pretty good evidence to be sold on that statement.
2 days of pork abstinence makes me feel pretty dumb myself.

If you're 1 of those travelers who had to go thru a bad jam on the north south highway on Sunday, stop cursing... you knew it was gonna happen. How else is our Samy gonna make money? Next time, plan a longer holiday, or go back earlier...
And if bcoz of the jams, you didnt' get enuff sleep, but still had to wake up and be in the office by 9, stop complaining either... You guys are gonna ask isn't that what life is all about? Yup... that's life if you're planning to lead a normal life...
if it's monday the 11th of feb, and it's 11am, trust me, i'm still in bed, not worrying bout the jams, not worrying bout the boss, not worrying bout the rempit who went skydiving. :D
there's a concept in life other than normal & work, and some of you really do need to give yourself a fair chance to see it correctly.


And for you guys still meeting up on tuesday nite after futsal, goodness... pliz get better jokes
Happy chinese new year everyone...

inˈtegritē

It's the 6th time this week that I'm faced with a conflicting statement...
Not a statement that conflicts itself, but more a person who conflicts themselves.

You've faced it before...

John tells you he's going to complete the proposal and send it to the client by Friday.
Friday late evening your clients call you and ask you where the hell is the proposal.
And you innocently tell them, John already sent it over. Simply because you believe so.
And then the clients tell you, John says you're supposed to do it.

or

She says she's going to spend Saturday night with her best friend at the movie and stay over at her best friends place.
and on Monday you here about the crazy stories of how she was such a goner on Saturday at the pub and the silly things she did.

Well in this case, it's mild issues.... it's just clients and a fib...
but what is it really about?

A mere lie? An honesty issue? a sense of virtue?
or a white lie...cause you would get hurt if i told you?
You wouldn't understand if i told you, (if you were matured enuff to tell me in my face, i probably would have)

Whatever you call it, i think i find a need to address the issue, mainly to remind myself...
I keep reminding myself, that people these days lack integrity.

Integrity is described as "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness"

it sums up "honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principles, ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness"

that's how Oxford describes it..

if you ask a layman, he'll prolly just tell you to bloody mean what you say...
don't say things for the sake of saying it.

If you're gonna tell someone you will commit to something, then commit to it.
Don't just say it for the sake of saying it.

I find it really sick.

How can you tell A that it's ok and tell B it's not ok, when you know both A and B will talk and it's bound to come up.
They're both now wondering which the hell is right? is it ok or not?
If you think you've pleased both A and B, think again..
I think you've lost a serious amount of trust from both parties, regardless of whatever the decision was.

Life's like that.

If you lose money, you can find it back.
but if you've lose integrity, you've lost it all...

The right people are always watching.
The reason they don't stay is simply because you don't give them enough reason to stay.

I'm not dumb.
I see everything you do.
Life has an amazing way of telling.
And i see your fibs.
I see your mistakes.
I choose to accept them because I'm not perfect myself.
but if you keep losing your integrity with me, I can't find anymore angles to trust your word.
you can only lose me trust twice.... that's what everyone deserves with me.

You can't tell me lies and hide the truth from me forever
You can't tell me you'll do some things and think i won't find out when you didn't do them
you can't have everything in life. You have to some give things up, in order to have others things.
Everything you want is outta your comfort zone, get out of your comfort zone and get it. You don't keep anything by dragging it into your comfort zone.

I'm done. I'm fed up... I'm thru....

I strongly believe, you've lost your integrity with me...
I find it hard to trust you when you tell me anything.
I can't work things this way.
Other people's lives are at stake as well...
And if i can't rely on you to be a team player, I'll bloody do things myself....
don't ever forget i'm choleric and I don't need you to be apart of my life...
I'll sort out the shit on my own.
I gave you the chance to cross the line with me, but you've declined that opportunity...
So take my word for it... I will cross that line without you... You stay comfortably where you are and cheer when i cross the finish line.

Should you decide to take a crash course on integrity and run along, i won't be too far ahead and you're always welcome to join me.
But i've learned since young, that word is bond.... A man who doesn't mean what he says, is not worth listening to the second time round.

sad...

i have learned in 2007..

I'll prolly never ever blog again in 2007 knowing my discipline & time management...
So while i have this little time, i figured i might as well just post one last entry for 2007...

What have i learned in 2007?
The first thing that hit me (and prolly hit everyone else) is that time flies...
Before you can even get used to writing down 200-7 it's december and you're like... but i didn't get time to do this, i didn't get time to do that...
Heck, there's alot of ppl i didn't even see or come in contact with in 2007... i wonder at times, if we're still friends...
then there's those who are your true friends that you see day in day out... you're so close to them, life seems different without seeing them...
these people are prolly your life forever...

In 2007 i learn to be a better people person and to stop focusing on myself.
I've learn that people aren't interested in me. Everyone is interested in themselves.
If you could learn that little secret, 90% of the people you meet, will like you instantly.

I've learned that i'm a true Choleric who wants things done my way, and fast.
I've learned that i have the inability to rely on ANYONE to get things done. Not bcoz they can't do it, but bcoz they can't do it at the speed i want it done, or they can't do it the way i wanted it done... I've learned to tone down a little of course... but not all of you will agree to that.
I guess I've also learned to accept other people for the traits they are.

I've learned a little more about setting goals and achieving them.
It feels great having to achieve them, and working towards them makes you a better person.
For those of you who are like, wtf? setting goals? WTF??!!
It's like this... imagine Liverpool playing Manchester United.....
and 22 players are passing the ball around for 90 minutes....
only problem is, there is no goal posts...
So the 90 minutes goes on with Liverpool keeping possession, and Man Utd trying to dispossess them.. and vice versa...
Imagine 90 mins of that.... No ronaldo dribbling towards goal, no cracking shots from gerrard, no rooney and his amazing volleys, no torres to terrorize the Man Utd defense...

2 things come to mind for me everytime i think of this..
1) what the hell is Van der Sar & Reina doing on the field?
2) how can anyone even play soccer without a goal?

but then for most of you, life is like that... you're living your life without a goal... you're playing 90 minutes with the ball, except that you don't know where to go.
you have no aim in life....
that's what life will be if you never set goals, or have aims...

Then i've learned something even better.....
Some of you are fully fucking aware that the pitch you're playing on, has no freaking goalpost.... and there's a pitch next to you that has one.... you can just walk over and start shooting at goal and feeling what it's like to play proper soccer, to score a goal.... but you refuse to just walk over...

Some of you know you don't wanna stay where you are. but you simply refuse to take the first step to change things around you simply bcoz you're freaking comfortable where you are. Bcoz things have always been like this, it will carry on to be like these till the day you die...
I call these people... NO BALLS. stay where you are and die the way you are...
People like you will never live life to the fullest. FUCKING STUPID CUNTS...
you'll die with the same idiots attending your funeral and the same nonsense problems clouding you every fucking time....
If you'll only open up your fucking eyes and see all that sits around your four walls your comfort zone are morons and idiots and they'll get you nowhere....
Or maybe you just sit your ass there and wait till something drastic happens before you realize your mistake? by then it's too late... If you're gonna make a change, do it NOW...
Opportunity only knock once.. .if you've missed it, you're a complete total idiot.

I've learned that i can be a total complete ruthless idiot to many.
I've got a tongue that speaks for itself.
Even scarier, it speaks even before i think.

I've learned to treasure the saying, "Ensure brain is in gear, before engaging mouth"
that's good, cause many a times, i've blown so many people away.
I think here is where i say I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for all the wrong things i've said, i'm sorry for my reactions to your stupidity and careless remarks about me.
If you had thought about responding smartly to me, we would have avoided that situation altogether.

I've learned that i'm pretty melancholic only bcoz i'm good at keeping grudges.
a few ppl I know in my life, has been blessed by Satan...
Only bcoz i'm taking your name to hell with me...
for those of you who have sinned against me or done something wrong towards me, i can forgive you :D

but i won't.

While holding a grudge against someone is like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,
I'm gonna die anyway, and i'll make sure you're coming down with me.
At your brightest moment when you think i'm there for you, I will use that opportunity to finish you off.

but i won't either...

I've learned i hate full fledge melancholics, and i simply cannot be one.
And it's a total waste of my time and effort to hold anything against anyone...
for all that has been wronged on me, i pray that God gives me the strength to forgive and love them back. :D
I choose not to bring unwanted memories into 2008 and beyond.

I shall take only from the pass what i need for the future.
Most of what i have, i will be leaving behind.
So if i stop contacting you, you are something i deem useless for my future

I've learned that people lie thru their mouth without blinking without meaning to lie. They wanna say the right things, they wanna do the right things, but you may say that you love me and want to work a future out with me, but just the way you plan your life tells me how much you don't really meant you love me.
Like when you tell me something and not keep to your word a few times, i know that deep deep down, i don't really have a place in your heart.

One of you, read me very very well.
And i've learned to appreciate you so much more bcoz then, i was a total idiot.
Now, i'm half that idiot & i'm still learning
the day you told me i needed time to sort myself out, you were right and you've always been there for me when i wasn't myself and I just wanted to say thank you, i won't know how to repay you, but i'm really close to being sorted if it helps.

Then i've learned that sometimes, it could just be a matter of timing.
but then again, the timing is never right, and the matter of timing is just a pure fucking excuse.
When you are sure you want something, you will get it done regardless.
When you decide you want something, you will do ANYTHING you need to do, to get it.
It's as simple as that.
If timing is a factor, then you're just scared or you don't want it bad enuff.

Anything else, call it an excuse....
you can call it anything else you want,
i learned that life calls it an excuse.

I learn that God watches over you and he doesn't give you anything you cannot handle.
everything you go thru helps you mature.
And it is strongly strongly vital to pick yourself up everytime you fall.
in life you will fall, but the faster you get up, the faster you move on.
And God sends me friends everytime he knows i need one.
Everytime i fall i notice you people are quick in contacting me.
you don't know at the time why you're in touch in me, but you're truly Godsent.
I pledge my loyalty to you guys... you've done it alot of times..
and i learned that I'm am truly blessed to have friends like you.

I've learned to have humility.... and to put my ego aside.
Life isn't about me... who cares about me?
If i give enough in life, life gives it back to me.
It's a simple principle that alot of people refuse to believe...
bcoz ppl find it hard to give first... and receive later....

I've learned to be a humble student, to be teachable... questioning for the sake of questioning gets me no where.
Your mind is like a parachute.... it only functions when it's open.
everyday learn something new.
The day you stopped learning is the day you die..
Someone told me, at most of your tombstones, it will be written...

"Edgar Gwilliam Phang"
Born 1977
Died 2007
Buried 2062

I refused to accept that i'm the living dead... one big moron i know is in that state. and has a whole clan of zombies living deadly around with him... aimlessly passing the ball around on a goalless pitch... and you are always questioning the way life functions and always finding smarter ways to run it.

I've learned Life has no short cuts.
when the way is shown, you only need to move in that direction.
the faster you begin, the faster you reap your rewards.
finding a way around it may only mean times up for you.

I learned that the only way to set good examples to your kids is to set good examples yourself.
If your kid sees you useless, useless he will be. Why the hell should he pursue anything else if that was the example set?
Try arguing with him and he will question you....
"why the hell should i bother keeping a marriage if you couldn't work yours?"
I know you're trying hard to see him maintain his marriage and not follow in your footsteps, I know you hurt bcoz you feel that you have set a wrong example for him.
I pray you don't feel as it is your fault.
He will pull thru it... we just need to have the faith.
I pledge i will do everything i can to ensure that.

I've learned that most ppl accept things the way they are very easily..
just blame it on our parents....
yeah right you lazy fucking ass...
So you weren't born into a very rich family, that doesn't mean you have to die poor...
It is not your fault that you were not born rich...
but it is your fault is you are buried poor....
Stop hiding behind a reason, if you want something do it for yourself.
i hate seeing whiners hiding behind their kids, hiding behind their parents, hiding behind your handicaps.
I can't do this bcoz of my kid. i can't do this bcoz i've no time...
do it bcoz of your kid, do it bcoz you want the time, do it anyway.
some of you, i will never understand...

and today.....
today....
I've learned to give up on people.
Rather sad thing to say.
But some of you, are just wasting my time.
And i've learned to appreciate myself and have more self respect.
While sometimes i dedicate my time to helping you or trying to work things out for you and showing you ways, some of you i know, have misused me and my time.
I'm not angry, but i learned to have more value my time alot more than i used to.
if it's idiots i'm gonna be working with and getting me no where, i kinda like to invest my time elsewhere.
If i feel that putting my effort somewhere makes me feel like i'm not being respected the way i should be respected, i'm taking myself and putting it elsewhere. Maybe you're just not ready to deserve me.

Finally, i've learned that coming together is a beginning, keeping together is a progress and working together is a success, but it takes two hands to work a relationship, and if one party is not willing, then i can only dream of it happening.
Maybe i will be the first person on this planet to learn that not all dreams will come true?

I pray to God tonite he shows me the safe way home.